Drinks and Jests
by EmmyEeveeZorua
Summary: *Spoilers for MM* One night, Descole decides to have a drink to celebrate his sucess in Monte d'Or, and is joined by his unwitting pawn, with hilarity and puns ensuring.


**AN: So I was bored and wrote this, even though I have three other things I should be working on.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Level Five owns all.**

**Edit: Plus I spend way to mush time on Tumblr Having Descole pun conversations. **

* * *

Jean Descole sat down in his favorite chair, sipping another glass of pinet noir. His plan to bring the Nautilus Chamber of Akbadain to the surface was coming along smoothly. Ascot had performed the first few "Dark Miracles" flawlessly, and the man still had no indication that some parts of the letters he had been sent had been altered slightly or completely fabricated. The police were clueless about who the Masked Gentleman was along with how his "miracles" were being performed, and it seemed like they never would unless someone competent intervened from the outside.

But the Monte d'Or police chief, although much more intelligent than most other police chiefs he had met (Chief Constable Levin Jakes came to mind), was too proud and stubborn to call for assistance himself. It seemed likely that no one would be sent to poke their noses in the matter of the Masked Gentleman until it was realized that the man of miracles wasn't a publicity stunt. Since no one would suspect this for a while, the masked man was confident that his plans would be far past completion when someone's suspicions were finally aroused.

This scheme was a success so far, and what better way to enjoy one's success than to celebrate with a bottle or two of one's favorite wine? He drained the glass in a couple of sips, and then poured himself another glass of the blood-red liquid, setting the bottle on the table in front of him. The mastermind of many plots was in a splendid mood, the type of mood that gave one the feeling absolutely nothing could go wrong. And indeed, this was one of Descole's favorite moods. The man smirked as he took another sip of his drink. Not even Layton and his irritating little posse could ruin his plan this time.

The mysterious man looked out the window of where he was sitting, watching as the sun set, the buttery light spilling into the room. It was around this time that he took his beloved blueprints into where he was sitting now, the parlor room and poured over them, making new adjustments if needed along with making new ones if an idea called for it. He got up from his chair and went to the basement door, stumbling down the stairs in his inebriated state, then walked over to his planning table and amassed his most recent plans. After collecting them he clambered back up the stairs and sat back down in his chair, dumping his blueprints on the table. Unfortunately, one of the rolled-up paper tubes bounced off the table and made its way to the carpeted floor. The man leaned down to pick it up, only to discover that it was gone, meaning that someone else must have picked it up. He sat back up to see Randall Ascot sitting opposite him, grinning like a maniac, holding a barely filled glass of wine.

"I needed something to drink and someone to drink it with, so I came here looking for a bottle and I found this one on the table, so I decided to finish it off,"

The red head explained, hiccuping slightly in-between words, the liquid sloshing in the glass with the movement. He took another gulp out of his drink and spoke some more.

"Sorry if you were wanting to finish it off, I didn't feel like searching for a full bottle when there was enough in this one to fill a couple of glasses. You drank most of this one."

Descole blinked at the scrawny man speaking to him. He was too drunk to really care that Ascot had touched his possessions (If he was sober he would have thrown the offender's ass across the gorge he fell in) but wasn't disoriented enough to not wonder why is partner in this plot had decided to seek him out for a drink. Couldn't he have just asked to Raymond to give him a glass of alcohol?

"So, my new drinking buddy,"

Ascot said, his words slurring as his speech ripped his "buddy" out of his intoxicated thoughts.

"Do you wanna talk about something or something? That's what Firth and I used to do sometimes when we had, only he drank a bit more than me. Said it helped him with work or something like that. I always found that a good nights sleep did the trick for me,"

The scientist shrugged.

"Why the hell not? But don't you dare pry into my private life or I'll have to resort to drastic measures. It's called a private life for a reason."

This mild threat didn't even draw a flinch from the alter-ego of the Masked Gentleman; instead simply continued to grin his crazy grin.

"Ok, I won't pry or anything like that, I promise. Say, isn't it soul crushing to find out that the person you thought was your very best friend in the entire universe, a person you thought you could trust with your life, actually wasn't and made certain you were thought dead so he could marry the one you loved through trickery? I, for one, can tell you that it is extremely heart-shattering and soul crushing to have this happen to you. I just wish I could go see Henry without that disguise and give that bastard a good talking to with my fists!"

The red head gulped down some more of his glass of pinet noir and then continued to speak.

"I hate how he tricked my precious Angie, she doesn't deserve that, but then I have to face the possible fact that she would have married horrid Henry whether I "died" or not. But I doubt she did, I know she didn't! Angela was always genuinely happy to be with me and go on adventures with me as well, and she was always worried for me whenever I was about to do something risky so I think Henry had something to do with her marrying him. It doesn't matter, I'll make him pay for what he's done to me."

Descole finished another glass of wine as his pawn rambled on. It was taking more willpower than he expected to not gloat about the parts of the plan Ascot had no clue about. What had possessed him to want to spill about his plan to the person who shouldn't have deeper knowledge of it? He didn't know why, but he did know that he should change change the subject as fast as possible.

"You and Henry must have been closer than I thought before you disappeared. All I knew is that you were good friends, that's it,"

He commented. His "friend" smiled lopsidedly at this.

"Yeah, we were super close ever since we were small, since before I gave him that robot (I wonder what he did with it), so yeah since forever practically. Did you have a best friend who disappeared as well? Wow, you look pretty shocked. I was just curious since you sent me the letters and all. Thanks for that by the way, I probably would have been unaware until the day I died."

"Well, I had a friend named Kei but we just drifted apart after her sister died. And I sent those letters because your story struck a chord with me,"

"Ah, that was kind of you. Hey, Dessy-"

"Don't call me that,"

"Sorry, say Des-"

"Don't call me that either,"

"Ok then De,"

"Dammit just call Descole!"

"Ok sheesh. So Descole -Is that good enough for you?- I've been thinking about it recently and I realized that your name is hilarious. I mean, there are so many puns you can make with it!"

"Your name has that quality as well. It matches your tie, _Ascot_."

"So many people have pointed that out to me it hasn't bugged me since I was ten. So back to your name. There are so many words you can graft it to! For example, Descolay, as in laying down!"

Descole blinked and then growled.

"That was absolute shit."

"I know, but don't worry, I've got better ones, like this one: DescoHEY! You know, like since you're always saying things like that,"

The masked man scowled.

"I am not always doing that. And stop this craziness."

"Come on, just a few more."

"No. No more. Stop it."

Ascot waved his hand dismissively, ignoring the look of rage on his companion's face.

"In a minute. Then there's this one, Descolazy! Since you have a butler!"

"You should talk, boy with a rich father."

"Touche. But I don't have one now. And here's one of my favorites: Descomay! Mother, Descomay I?"

He began laughing at his own pun, wine spilling out of the glass as he clutched his stomach. The man whom the puns were mocking, however, was not laughing.

"That is not funny. Stop it. _Now_."

"Geez Dessy, you look like a puppy pirate but you act like a honey badger, not giving a shit about the comic gold in front of you. Don't you have a girlfriend or someone who makes you happy to be around who isn't your butler?"

"No, I don't and don't plan to. And how does this relate to anything we're talking about?"

"Oh, that's a shame. You could use a companion. And we're drunk, there's no logic behind anything we say."

"I can see that,"

"Ooh, you not having a girlfriend reminded me of this good one. What happens when Dessy spends some quality time with his lover? He gets Descolaid!"

If Randall had been cracking up at his puns earlier, it was nothing compared to now. He was laughing so hard at his own horrible joke that he had crumpled to the floor in a fit of hysteric laughter. Descole, meanwhile, was not. He was still in his seat, trying to figure out the pun is his foggy mind. Then it clicked.

"Damn you Ascot."

* * *

**AN: I am so sorry, but I don't regret anything.**


End file.
